“We don’t stop in this class”

“If you stop, I think something is wrong”

Something IS wrong. I’m horribly out of shape and unable to breathe, asshole. <– This was me two weeks ago when I discovered the whole new form of hell know as spin class.

I’m doing the typical bride thing and trying to lose half of my body weight before the wedding. Which means, lots of new exercises to try. I say new, because if you know me at all, you know that gyms have never been my friends. I always envied the crazy people who needed a nice long run to de-stress while I needed TV and a bottle of wine.

So I started actually buying the fitness Groupons I saw instead of just commenting on what a great deal they were as I purchased the pizza making classes. And this is what led me to spin- five classes plus one free intro class for $19! I had heard that spin class was “a little intense” and “the worst and best thing in the world.” So I was sufficiently terrified walking in the front door. But, I really had no clue. This half hour intro class kicked my ass like nothing ever has. I wanted to die about halfway through and was contemplating just forfeiting the rest of my Groupon. But, by the time I finished, I got this need to prove I wasn’t a pathetic weakling and decided that I could probably suffer for one hour a week. I only had five classes to go and maybe by the end, I would be one of those super skinny, “Let’s do more climbs!” spinning addicts (not likely, but I can dream).

I was resigned to just dealing with my five more classes when the studio came after me (yes, I believe that every mass email is a direct attempt to suck me in). The campaign to win Jaclyn over started with an email stating I could get two free classes with basically no effort (1- take a picture with their logo, 2- Get 3 people to like them on Facebook). So easy to save $40! I thought about it, but figured I’d get through my Groupon and see if I could handle two more classes. But, it didn’t stop there. The next email promised free custom spinning shoes if I bought a 20-class package. FREE CUSTOM SHOES?!! This initiated the internal debate-

If I had custom shoes, then my feet wouldn’t kill me afterward and then maybe I’d enjoy it more. Plus, it IS a killer workout. It would be awesome if I could get into it.

 Remember not being able to sit for two days? And the feeling that your legs were actually going to collapse causing you to fall off the bike and domino everyone else in the class? Plus, 20 classes and $265 is quite the commitment- are you really going to do this 27 (5 Groupon + 2 free + 20 package) more times?

Again, I decided to wait until after I’d used all my Groupons. I would try to use the whole thing in July and see where I stood. If I succeeded, I’d purchase the 20 classes and get the shoes, if not (the more likely scenario) I wouldn’t have wasted the money.

But THEN, I get another email. The studio Instructors will each have a free week where you can attend 2 of their classes at no cost in order to get to know them better. Give me a break! How am I supposed to hate spinning when they keep providing me with free ways to do it? Did I mention they have a fridge full of FREE bottled water in the studio? If I was ever go to get in to exercising, this is the place for sure. They clearly really want me to participate (remember, all these mass emails are directed totally to me) and there will never be a better deal. But then, another email pops up! This time saying that I could get 15% off the 20-class package! WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO ME?! They’re making it so easy and affordable to spin that I’m really a lazy ass if I don’t get swept up in it.

So, I signed up for one of the free classes this week. 30 minutes of spin and 30 minutes of ab work. If I survive, I may just have to buy that damn package with the free shoes they’re shoving down my throat.