My parents recently moved out of our family house, which inspired me to write this ode to our driveway. In the 8 years my family lived in that house, there were at least 5 accidents in the driveway. Let me repeat, in the DRIVEWAY. I’m not really sure what it was about this particular driveway, but cars rarely seem to escape unscathed.
The First Crunch
It all started with my mother and me. I continuously wouldn’t pull my Explorer far enough up in the driveway and she would repeatedly back out of the garage into it. From what my younger sisters tell me, there were numerable “mini-bumps” into said Explorer that I was not privy to. But, when the whole passenger side was smashed in, there was no hiding it from me.
Mom: unintelligible yell/growl
Me: You hit my car didn’t you?!
Mom: I told you to pull it forward! I didn’t even look, I just backed up!
Me: How do you BACK UP without looking?
Crunch # 2
This time, we had some friends over for dinner. Everything was going splendidly until my stepfather decided to run to the store and thought that going through my best friend’s mother’s car was better than going around it.
This one, thank God, did not involve a member of my family, but two close friends. My sister’s friend slid his blue mustang down the side of Lauren’s (her mother was the one hit in crunch 2) white car. She had some pretty blue streaks for a while and we joked that she was going to stop coming over….
Lauren (see crunches 2 & 3), despite all signs that she should never enter our driveway again, comes over.
Maggie: “Hi Lauren, I’m leaving, so bye Lauren!”
Lauren: “By Maggie! I’m parked behind you-don’t hit my car! Haha just kidding”
…..two minutes later
The front door bursts open
Maggie: “Lauren!! I hit your car!”
Lauren: “Very funny.”
Utter panicked stare from Maggie
Lauren: “You’re not joking?”
The Final Crunch
So, by this point, the driveway has earned itself a nice reputation as a car killer. And has become the butt of many inside jokes. When my parents decided to sell the house I wondered if we needed to put a disclaimer on the driveway. They laughed and pointed out that it had been quite some time since the last accident- the curse must be broken. And then, on the day they moved, I got one of the best phone calls of my life.
Dad: “Did you hear that your mother hit Maggie’s car in the driveway today?”
I couldn’t think of a more poetic ending to our time in that house. Way to be mom. Way to be.